11 Relationship Myths BUSTED

This is my Valentines Day Message.

I want to tear apart a few myths about relationships this Valentines day. You are going to have to really open your mind to receive this message. I apologise in advance for bursting your fantasies.

1. Soul mates do not exist. The problem here is the thought that each person has an individual and unique soul. No such thing exists. All souls are connected. There is one soul. If I fill some ocean in a cup, is what is in the cup not ocean? The cup has an identity but the ocean is still in the cup. The soul doesn’t need a partner or mate. There is no separateness. We live though, as if we are the cup and we experience our world through the cup.

2. There is no such thing as someone being meant for you. What does happen is that we have karmic ties and soul contracts. If you have an appointment with the dentist, you will see the dentist at that particular time and place. That is all. All contracts can be terminated and each individual can be released of this karmic tie. I do know, that whatever we are experiencing we have already chosen to before we come into this body. Very similar to deciding what movie you want to watch. So there is no such thing as The One. There is only the one of many that can be.

3. The word relationship comes from the word relate. How are you related to someone means how are you connected to someone. Understand this, when you knock on the door, you are also the one opening, when you make that call, you are also the one answering. All relationships are relationships with yourself. You are connecting with you, everywhere you go. The strange thing about life is, where ever you go, there you are. Awareness of this truth leads to healing of your relationships. There is healing because there is love. All relationships reflect your own relationship with your self. You connect with what you are. Shift the relationship with self, and all other ones shift too.

4. Before we marry, we usually consult an astrologer to check our compatibility. If not an astrologer, we check ourselves to see if the 2 star signs work well together. This is important, but remember it is an external check. We almost never take the time to do an internal check. Are your values compatible? How does he spend his time, energy, money, space as compared to you? They need not match, but do they at least compliment each other? If your highest value is on family and his is on work, then there is bound to be unrealistic expectations on him to be the family guy and this leads to frustration, infedility and divorce. We don’t know who we marry because we never took the time to know their values. Our focus is on knowing favourite colours and food. Get to really know someone by knowing their values. You can then understand them or communicate to them in their values or change your values to match theirs or compliment theirs.

5. Sex is the most important thing in a relationship. I know many people who say that this is the last thing that decides if a relationship works. Firstly when I say sex, I am not talking intercourse. Sex is being intimate and sensual with another person. This is not necessarily penetration. Inti-mate: internal connection with your partner. Sensual: engaging all 5 senses in your experience. Touch is crucial. Holding hands, kissing, hugging, caressing, cuddling… Do this regularly and your relationship with last a very long time. Please do not expect anything to last if you sleep on your back and expect your partner to do the work and simply orgasm. The end of sex is not an orgasm, the end of sex is feeling whole.

6. Happily ever after is for Disney stories not real life. It does not exist. No relationship lasts forever. So why do we expect it to? People break up with each other for various reasons and sometimes even no reason. What is inevitable though is death. Either you will die or your partner will leaving one partner behind. Enjoy what is of the relationship now. People and situations always change. Expect the unexpected. Do not fantasise of a forever. This will lead to heart ache and pain. If you have loved each other for a moment that is enough. Be grateful if another moment comes by.

7. Relationships are about giving and taking. But not in the way you are thinking. It is about giving support and taking responsibility. In a relationship you always give the other person support in being the best person they can be. For me, this is the highest form of relationship love. You also take responsibility for yourself. Most people become involved in a relationship only to become dependent on the other person financially, mentally and emotionally or even physically. What you dep-end, will always end in pain. Do not rely on another person for anything. Children need parents to depend on. Are you are a child?

8. Why are you married? I bet most of you never thought about that question. I am pretty sure most of you are screaming, “It is because I love my partner!” About 0.1% of you will be correct on that. The rest of you got married because, your family said you must, you felt it was the next thing in life to do, you wanted to have kids, you wanted a joint income to live a comfortable life, society said you must, the movies make it look so wonderful, you need someone else to complete you, your family wanted to get rid of you, you fell pregnant, you made her pregnant, you thought it was a good idea, or you just want to wake up everyday with your best friend. Now you are thinking which category you fall into. Marriages have rules and regulations. It is a business contract. Break the rules and the contract terminates. Simple as that. Who defines the rules? You and your partner do based on your fantasies and expectations of each other. When referring to someone being married, we say “they are tying the knot.” This is the give away, the truth. You are no longer free. You are tied to something or someone. It does not have to be this way. It is time to change the concept of marriage into one of freedom. Only you can decide this.

9. If they loved me then (some expectation). This really annoys me. Just because someone doesn’t do what you want does not mean they do not love you. Is this person your slave? Is their love conditional? Clearly you expect their love to be conditional based. Based on a condition they meet means they love you. If love has to be proved then it is not love. If you ever find yourself saying the above, your relationship is doomed. Prepare for disaster. There is only one exception to the rule. If they loved you, they will accept you and appreciate you. That is all. Of course this can only be experienced if you accept and appreciate yourself. Do not put conditions on another person’s love for you. Let it be free. Let the person be free.

10. Chocolates make you fat. Teddy Bears are for children. Flowers are killed and put in a vase for you. Do not buy in the Valentines Day concept of the above. Don’t get me wrong. You can express your love through things such as gifts and money. But if the feeling of your love is missing, then all you doing is buying some affection. It would be cheap for anyone to say you don’t need money on Valentines Day. People who say this just don’t have the money. This is okay. We can’t have all the money all the time. However the best things in life are free. Such as walking on the beach, star gazing, cuddling, writing a letter or poem, singing a song, sending a song dedication, long drive to nowhere, dancing, sitting on a bench in a park… You get the idea.

11. No one is better than another person. You cannot say your new partner is better than your ex. Surely you dated your ex because you found something good about him/her. You were not attracted to your ex for being a total bastard/bitch. All that happened is that you saw both sides of the person and you decided you could not live with that “bad” side. No human being can be compared to another. Each has his/her own good and bad qualities. You don’t deserve better. If you did you would have it. You deserve what you currently have. If you want “better”, you have to be okay with receiving better and be a vibrational match to that which you seek.

I wish you are beautiful Valentines Day filled with love and joy. Cherish the relationship you have. If you are single, cherish the relationship with yourself. Remember to be single is to be whole.

“As long as you are in this world you are not alone. Everyone needs a friend, if you can’t find one, then be one!” Mohan H

With all my love,
Mohan H Surujbally