Why self help doesn’t work?

I have had the privilege to work with hundreds of people over the last 5 years. Each day brings with it new people, and every person I meet is different in some way. This makes my job very exciting as I get challenged in a daily basis, which pushes me to be the best I can be.

I have noticed a common theme among many of the people I have consulted with.  They all seem to come to me for help, but are not open to being helped.   In fact some of them claimed to have read every self-help book out there and have attended many workshops and have not been able to shift their life in any way.

If this sounds anything like you I have 7 tips which will help you understand yourself so you will shift the next time you see a life coach, a consultant, or even read the latest best-selling self-help book.

1.       Faith

The faith I speak of here is not a religious one. You need to trust in the person helping you.  The wonderful part about going to someone who doesn’t know you is that you get a fresh perspective about your situation; and if you well read, you will know that PERSPECTIVE IS EVERYTHING.  When something is occupying time and space in our minds, we develop tunnel vision and are unable to see the most obvious solution.

2.       Misinterpretation

Any written text, be it an email or a cyber-chat is subject to the readers’ interpretation.  If you do not understand what the author is trying to convey, you will definitely not shift your life.  I can guarantee you that every self-help book out there has within its pages at least one tool or lesson, which will transform your life if understood.  I would advise you to form book clubs or join and online forum to learn more about what you are reading. There are thousands of them on-line.

3.       Application

Unfortunately just like cooking food will satisfy your appetite until you eat, so too, reading hundreds of books are absolutely useless to you until you apply what you read.  I cannot tell you how many people I know expect their life to change by reading a great book. Do not feel bad about this, because I too once thought this way.  You are the way you are because of your habits. The way you think is a habit, what you say is a habit, your attitude is a habit. To change your life and to change your destiny you need new habits; and you develop new habits by doing what you never did before – which is practising what is being thought to you.

4.       We have no scientific proof but neither to the scientists

Any good life coach or self-help book will at some time bring up some metaphysical term or phrase such as “Love is the only healer” or “We need to trust in a Higher Power (God).” On behalf of all life coaches and self-help book authors, I would like to openly confess that we don’t exactly have all the proof on paper that LOVE or GOD exists.  We can however share with you how LOVE or a belief in some higher power has resulted in powerful, massive changes in our lives and the lives of the people we have consulted with.  Science is supposed to represent truth and truth never changes. Science however has to always update the truth all the time.  There is nothing wrong with this, they can only give answers with the best information they have.  We put so much of faith in science which is always changing, yet not much faith in love which is eternal and never changing.

5.       Just be good at what you do

The scariest thing that you could do when you sick is go online to try and diagnose yourself.  Similarly when you go see a consultant, allow him/her to do what they do best. They are trained and experienced in what they do.  Even though Human beings have many problems that challenge them, there’s a 99.9% chance that your consultant has helped someone with the challenge that you have.  Do not tell them how you want to be treated, just have an open heart and an open mind and healing is guaranteed.

6.       Be honest

Be honest, especially with yourself.  When you need help it’s not about being right or wrong. Only the ego wants to be right. When we told the truth about ourselves, we want to play victim and defend our behavior and situation with a thousand excuses.   Your consultant is not there to judge you. The only person that judges us, are ourselves.  Accepting ourselves, our past and letting go of all notions about your issue will shift you at quantum speeds.

7.        Love is greater than Experience

The doctor may not have had cancer, but he knows how to treat you, he may not have had acid reflux but he knows how to heal it.  The same can be said about your consultant you may choose to help you. Just because he/she has not being in the situation you have been though doesn’t mean that they do not understand how to help you.  You see the Universe is only trying to show you one thing and that is TO LOVE YOURSELF. Every challenge you have from experiencing disease to being broke, to unsatisfying relationships all stem from no self-love and poor self-value. This makes it easy to work with anybody and any situation. Love is greater than experience is the only true healer.  How many do you know go through the same situation again and again and never learn anything? Experience is not always the best teacher. Love is.

 

Stay blessed and keep your hearts open to receiving the healing you need in whatever form in may come.

Hitesh