You can’t hurt anyone

Good morning

Yesterday I mentioned, that it is impossible to NOT hurt someone, but it is also impossible to hurt someone. I hope this message will clear this statement up.

Many people have expressed to me that they cannot wait to get this message. I know its not becos they want to find out how to feel guilt free when they actually do hurt someone, but rather they want a reason as to why they shouldn’t feel hurt by the things others have done to them.

I know you more than you may know yourself.

So why is it impossible to (not) hurt someone? Of cos I speak from an emotional level only. Here are the reasons:

1. You are not responsible for other peoples feelings. You are only responsible for how you feel at any given time.

2. People react to you based on their state. If I have a guy dent my car today, but I had just heard that I had won the lotto. How upset do you think I would be? VERSUS how upset would I be if I walk to my car having had pictures sent to me of my gf with my best friend doing the hokey pokey? So its not what you say or do to people that hurts them, its their state.

3. People link words and situations to a memory. A memory is a past experience. A past experience means you carry guilt. They react to you because they associate what happens in the past to what is happening now. Dissolve the guilt, the memory and the link dissolves, therefore the “reaction” changes. They won’t feel hurt.

4. People’s behavior is determined by their values. If I to tell my girlfriend that I cannot come with her to her IDOL’s audition because I have a workshop in Cape Town to facilitate, she would be hurt that I am not there to support her. But do I love her any less? No way. I am just making a choice based on what’s higher on my values, which is teaching and inspiring. The moment you go against someone’s values they get hurt. Its not you. They are programmed to get hurt.

5. There is both pleasure and pain in the world. What is pleasure and what is pain is debatable. I have myself found pain in pleasure and pleasure in pain. In life you will either feel hurt by someone (based on the above points) or you will hurt someone (based on the above points). This happens all the times. Hurt is a perception. Well all emotions are perception initiated. But just KNOW that in life, you will always feel like the “hurter” or the “hurtee” again and again and again.

6. People learn to feel hurt. They learn how to drive. They learn how to cook. They learn how to kiss. They also LEARN how to feel pain. They learn from TV, family, friends, from passed experience etc. Feeling hurt is a habit. What other dirty habit have you picked up?

7. Some people are addicted to being hurt! So they will find a way to get hurt. Either make someone do or say something to them that hurts because it all they know is pain. This goes back to the pain/pleasure point above. So don’t feel bad when you hurt someone, you could be dealing with a hurt addict, and they loving every moment. People become addicted to being victims of life.

I have shared a lot with you this morning. There is so much more. But I shall leave it for my seminars/worshops.

Have a magical day.

Love,
H