Never Ever Settle

This morning I had a conversation with a good friend who said something to me that was rather disturbing. 
It came from a good space, good place and good heart, and the intention behind it was simply love and concern. 
She said, “You aren’t getting any younger, when will you settle down?” 

Few things in life scare me. If someone said HIJACK, I wouldn’t be too scared. If someone said YOU HAVE 2 DAYS TO LIVE, I wouldn’t be scared. But the mention of the word SETTLE terrifies me! 

My friend was making reference to getting married and having children. 
Lets unpackage what my friend was really saying and the beliefs around this single word/statement. 
What was being really said was that I need to conform to what society regards as normal and the right thing to do. 
I prefer to live by my own rules. This is freedom. Why should I do anything to conform or fit it. My deepest fear is being normal. I think your (society) rules suck. I can’t apologise for my lack of respect for your rules and I don’t expect you to respect mine. But ask yourself… Are you happy? If not then don’t do it. Make up your own rules. What works for me may not work for you. Simply do what makes you happy. 

Further, it says my ability or chances of finding a partner is related to my age. So as I get older, this becomes more challenging. Is this true or is this a belief?
I am ok to be married at 40 or 50 or 60. I am ok with having children then or never having children. You see, I would rather experience a beautiful loving relationship for 1 day than a lifetime of commitment to misery. I would also rather, or father the children present in my life and guide them the best way I can, than have a need to have my own children. You cannot and never own children. You just have the honor of having them pass through you. You need to let go of thinking you own anything here on earth. You cannot even have your own kids. They are never yours to begin with. Your responsibility as a parent begins at time of conception to the child’s 7th birthday. In this time you have taught the child everything you could. Good or Bad. The seed is planted. Now you merely choose to love this being by supporting them in any way you can detaching from all expectations. Anything you do after this has almost no value as the beliefs and values learned in the first 7 years dictate their behaviour and therfore habits and thus destiny. My job is to teach big children (adults) to unlearn everything learnt in those years. Being a good parent is knowing you have facilitated the growth of an inspired human being who will live with purpose and power. What does society say being a good parent is? What is your own definition of being a good parent? 

To settle, or not to settle. 
That is the question. 
Let me elaborate what this truly means. 
This is not just a reference to getting married. We settle all the time. 
We settle for that unsatisfying relationship cos we think we are old and will never find love again. 
We settle for that car we think we can only afford. 
We settle for that job because we believe we cannot do what we really love and write our own cheques. 
We settle for this home because we do not allow ourselves to dream big. 
We settle for this life because we believe it’s the only way it can be. 

No! Stop settling! Do not settle for average and mediocre. Do not settle for anyone or anything. 
To settle is to have the belief that you do not deserve more. It’s a negative, and poverty consciousness. To settle is to live with limited options instead of infinite possibilities. To settle is to give up on yourself and your right to be happy and live joyfully. To settle is to be a victim of life. To settle is to live being controlled by external sources. To settle is to accept that life happens to you, instead of you happening to life. 

Do not settle. Ever. 

Love, 
Mohan H