Time to get married

My grandmother picked up a wedding card recently – yet another one from an unknown far off cousin I have never met – with such joy in her voice! “Oh happy days, he is finally getting married!” I am certain you are familiar with this scenario or at the very least have been at the end of words such as “When are you getting married? Do you have a steady partner? or Don’t you think it is time to get married now?”

From my observation, I have noticed that grandparents / parents born in the 1950s and earlier seem to be on a mission to get you married. It is as though, life just cannot go on if you do not succumb to getting married. 99% of the married of the people I know, who are married for at least 30 years all tell me, “Hitesh, there is no need to rush into a marriage, in fact better still, don’t get married.”

Don’t get me wrong, these people actually happen to love their partners. I doubt they could go a day without their partners – but the message to me is that there is more to life than getting married. It is not something that HAS to be done and it is not mandatory. The old school type of thinking is that – you go to school, you do well, you go to university, you study hard, you get a good job, you get married, you have kids, you work hard, you work harder, you retire and you die. This is life. Well, this is what they believe life is. At one stage I actually believed that my grandparents want me to get married so badly so that I could have sex. That thought was very close to the truth than you would believe! Our grandparents (with all due respect to them, have had more than half a century of experience which results in some wisdom), are really functioning from a “survival of the fittest” mode. They want you to get married, so that you may spread your seed, and add to the family. The more kids you have the better, as this means you have more members in the clan to fight of animals or to protect the family from any other dangers that may arise. It is not a question of – “Are you happy ? Are you living according to you values? Are you following your heart and living your dreams?” No. The question is, “Can you get married and procreate ?” They seem to take this duty that they have bestowed up themselves very seriously.

You will be happy to hear that times are changing. People are changing. Parents are now having, one or no children and many are considering adopting as an option and the focus now is on both women and men working to sustain the family home, with both parents emphasizing the importance of success, without demanding a wedding.

The purpose of marriage is not to have children. It is to allow you to see yourself as you are, it is to allow you to bring yourself to balance and it to allow you to have support at any given time. Marriage allows you to share your best times and your worst times with your best friend – and face all adversity hand in hand. The children that you have come through you, and not from you and are an expression of the love that you share for one another. Quantity does not equal quality. You do not need a soccer team. Rather have one child and give him or her the best you can.

Until next time – stay awesome and out of the wedding trap. Love, Hitesh